Daddy Experiment 3.0
Six months into being a Dad and I have noticed that things have started to change, mainly my perspective. There is no secret that when I enter a race I have clear-cut goals, expectations and intend on competing with the athletes I’m surrounded by. With each passing year the goals, expectations and competition become more difficult yet, I’m always excited and motivated to pursue them.
The goals for this season were to finish top 10 in each race I entered. I started off strong as I threw my hat into the ring of bike racing. However, an unexpected health issue, the demands of fatherhood and being husband has suspended these goals until further notice. I simply have not put in the necessary training needed to achieve my goals.
It took me nearly the entire month of August to come to terms that this triathlon season was over which was very mentally taxing. This time off and away from sport did allow for a great deal of reflection and growth. My perspective on training and racing has changed. I can no longer justify to myself entering a race just to have fun. A month ago I had planned to race in Sag Harbor with the goal of just having fun with whatever "daddy fitness" I had. However, after thinking about the logistics of race day, mainly the time away from my family, I realized it wasn't worth it. If I’m going to take time away from Noah then I better be “in it to win it”.
For someone that leads an extremely active life style the feelings associated when I can’t be, for any number of reasons, range from depression, anxiety, fear, anger, restlessness, boredom, jealousy, sadness, inquisitiveness, lack of self confidence and self esteem etc. These emotions and feelings were what I dealt with for the month of August. Finally Im back to feeling like myself, I wake up each morning motivated to conquer the day. I usually wake up my wife on weekends by yelling "carpe diem". She knows that the second I get up I want to get at. I don't believe this feeling and motivation will ever change however, I know that my idea of how I seize the day will. I'm coming to terms with the reality that I can't swim, bike and run all day long and that seizing the day now means how much I can get done with Noah, with Meliss, with my little family. I can no longer judge my days by the miles I have conquered.
I have come to redefine routine. I have always thought of a routine as being developed over the long term, months if not years. I find comfort in routine and consistency. Noah has aided and pushed me to refine my understanding of routine, frequently. He is developing at an unbelievable rate. Each day I'm witnessing him learn about himself and the world around him. His constant growth equates to constant change, an evolving routine. As soon as I figure out his routine, and attempt to piece together mine, he embarks on a new one. Initially this frustrated me but I’m coming to terms with the concept that there is nothing routine with my routine. Routines can be a short as Noah deems fit.
Over the past few years I have been obsessed with becoming a better triathlete. This laser focus has its sacrifices; I have had to put other things on the back burner. Not being able to participate in an event because of training was part of the sacrifice of wanting to be my best. I have accepted that racing to my potential, as a 70.3 triathlete will have to be put on hold. I know the shape I have to be in to be competitive and currently I can't see myself getting into that shape. The time I need to dedicate to training three sports just isn't available. As the saying goes, “when one door closes another opens”. Now is the perfect opportunity to tackle a lot of the events I have put on the back burner. I may not have time to dedicate to three sports but I can certainly handle 1(or maybe 2). With that being said I have my sights on completing my first ultra running race in the spring. Of course I can't neglect my love so, I will be squeezing in as much pedaling as possible. There is no way anything is going to keep me from pedaling especially during the fall. While I may not currently have the time for the 70.3 distance there are still many adventures to go on and limits to explore.