Coming out on top

*this blog was posted a day late

In my second bout with fatigue I'm proud to say that I'm emerging as the victor. Yesterday was my first major, progressive step forward toward absolute victory.

Two days ago however was easily the lowest point of my season to date. My battle with fatigue appeared to be a loosing battle and all of my thoughts were uncharacteristically negative. Despite being an overly optimistic person I found it impossible to find the proverbial silver lining. I was questioning why I did this sport? Am I cut out for long course racing? Did I just waste the past 6 months of my life? I was even preparing to travel to Napa and not even bring my gear. I was thoroughly convinced that I had just blown another season. I was having a breakdown. How could something so important to me and that I'm so passionate about reject me? I'm not sure that triathlon was rejecting me rather I was rejecting it by forgetting why I fell in love with triathlon in the first place.

The very nite I had my breakdown I had two very important conversations, one with my wife Melissa and the other with Matt.

As I began to unload my frustrations, anxiety and emotions onto Melissa she sat there and listened. I told here I didn't even want to race Vineman and that my season was pretty much over. She immediately said something along the lines of; that's crazy, you can still do it, so what if you don't have your best race, remember why you do triathlon. Remember why I do triathlon. Remember why I do triathlon! My wife is a genius and may I add knows a lot more than I thought about triathlon. I needed to remember why I fell in love with this sport in the first place. It was never about time, it was always about the experience. Every race I entered I had the best time no matter the weather, distance, course, time etc because of the people I was surrounded with, the energy they produced and it was my way of celebrating all my hard work leading up to the race.

I finished my first half ironman in Montauk in the craziest conditions with one of my very good friends and a new friend I made on the course. My finishing time was irrelevant, I was sharing in an unbelievable experience and triumph with friends. My experiences at this race is what attracted me to long course racing.

If I don't have the best time at Vineman so what? (although it would be rewarding) I do get to race with one of my friends who I have known since 9th grade, in front of my entire family on a racecourse in the middle of Napa Valley, California! Everything is in place to have another amazing experience now I just need to be there mentally.

Matt was on the end of my second conversation that night. I let him know my every concern, worry and fear. He assured me with full confidence that my season was not over and that I would bounce back from this bout of fatigue even stronger. Matt also reminded me of what we had done up to this point in the season and that we were a team. We were a team and we would get through this together.He expressed that my fatigue was weighing on him as well and that he had been working hard; hitting the books and via reflection, to get me back on point.

The concept that we were a team really struck me. This guy is truly invested in me and cares what I do.  It's not that I ever questioned his intentions but this just brought my understanding of our relationship to the next level. I'm not alone in triathlon despite it being a non-team sport.


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